Its not easy....

I can't Stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty
face beside a train
It's not easy to be... me

I wish that i could cry
fall upon my knees
find a way to lie
about a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd
but don't be naive
Even heros have
the right to bleed

I may be disturbed
but won't you concede
Even heros have
the right to dream
And its not easy to be me

up up and away,
away from me, Well its alright,
You can all sleep sound tonight
Im not crazy or anything

I cant stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

Im only a man
in a silly red sheet
digging for kryptonite
on this one-way street
Only a man in a phony red sheet
Looking for special things
Inside of me

Inside of me

Inside of me
Inside of me
Inside of me

I'm only a man in a phony red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a phony red sheet
And its not easy
ooo ooo ooo

Its not easy....
To be.............
Me.................

Smart money

Well the talk amongst most my college friends is jobs...they all bitch that its impossible, evenif u get to a 2nd interview (flyed out to NYC) they never get called back, as if its impossible, smart guys saying its too much, too hard, too competitive, and not worth it. 50K a year to start and you gotta wor 10hour days and bust your balls.

I dont want that, i dont think i can work a 10 hour day for only 50K a year, which is about 4.1K a month, damn peanuts....

I want to make smart money, hit 120K, and be enoying life, not earning money but doing so by working 12 hour days, what good is it then to have the best apartment and the best car, if u never in either of them, if u always working, no time to enjoy the spending power of your cash.

I mean i dont even know why im worried its not bloody likely ill be working anytime soon, i still lack a greencard and even if that comes in, i will only interview next year, and though most get rejected i dont think it will be as likely with me, or i guess everyone thinks that way. But still the market looks awful now....

another thing that pisses me off, we have missed out on everything....the internet boom, the real estate market, the computer revolution, all because we were to young. We, is my generation, instead we are stuck in a market where to buy a house you will need a semi miracle, if you want to make money on the stock exchange you better do your damn research and be on top of your game, and even then if you pick a winner, its hard to stop overall pessimism dragging your stock down.

Its not a good time to be a buisness major, finance, economics, its all useful and great, but there is a glut, of overqualifed (at least on paper) applicants, though going to a buisness school i know i wouldnt hire more then about 5 people i know at UM. But no one cares about your MBA or your GPA, they want you to be creative, to have a fine arts degree, to be able to think outside the box....but what good is all that thinking outside the box with a liberal education if you dont know how to make a basic analyis on a project or your economics policys and how they affect you.

A friend said it best "corporate america stinks, its just not worth it" he advocated even moving elsewhere, where your qualifications mean instant job, and a tremendeous salary, naturally nominally its less then even 50K here, but in real terms, parity terms, you live like you are pulling dfown 120K

so here is my goal, make smart money....and do it like i do college, minimum effort to get to my goal....

Fever

TO be honest i was going to write to mr anonymous1.....but i must say that i dont consider him/her worthy of a post.

Soccer. It has been on my mind lately...and not just fan stuff, cause Milan is going through an abysmal patch of form, but playing soccer, a long lost love has been reborn. It is quite hard to say as why it ever ended, but i would venture to say that the roots lie in coming to Miami. Moving from a soccer academy where i played everyday for at least 2-3 hours during school and practices after school, to here did something. I lost it, i wasnt so devoted to playing soccer, i would not be outside juggling the ball, or doing a little tricks with the ball, and the heat, not to mention the humidity made me quite light headed and so i never even tried out for the soccer team the one year i could of really made it. I was just not intrested in spending time from 2:30 to 4:30 outside in this disgusting weather, i could not fathom running with the thick wet air....i had no stamina for that. So i did nothing, got lazy, and next year for no apparant reason, well there was a reason, i joined cross country, so you see my excuse, "too hot to play soccer and run" and yet i was outside running 4-8 miles a day, depending on if we had a meet the next day or not. Me the person who couldnt stomach 2 laps around the field without gasping for air, running miles at a competitive speed. And so soccer season approached, and there i was in prime shape to make the team, except i failed to notice on crucial aspect. It had been around 18 months since i last actually played real competitive soccer, my touch was off, my shots even more so, i could still defend and tackle, but my IQ for the game was abysmal.....and naturally with several missed shots at the tryouts and an overall unimpressive performance, considering i was a junior and if i was to be on the team it would better be as a first off the bench or starting not some scrub, i was not picked. It was like a bucket of water was thrown all over me, i was in a state of shock, i could not fathom it.....

So i stopped, i played around once a blue moon with friends and had nothing much to show, like any other kid, cept that my game IQ was much higher, mainly due to being such a fan i grapsed positioning and tactics well, though my feet sometimes wouldnt comply.

Around came august '06....and Piero, a friend, had asked me if perhaps i would be up for a shootaround indoors, and thinking it would be nothing i went. But it gripped me, this was no friendly game, the tackles were rought, the goals were celebrated and you losing was not an option. I played average at best and downright poor at worst, my touch was off, but it was improving.....quite fast, its like playing catch up...and so every friday we were indoors playing, and so Intramurals came around, and it is over now, i am gripped, i love the games, i love going out and just juggling, at work i run circles around the little kids, no big feat, but it lets you try out stuff, i run around the house kicking my mini ball, juggling it while on the phone, and doing flicks on my way round the house. The fever is back!!!

The culmination of which shall be this summer, when the greatest event in the world takes place, and i hope, with reasonable confidence, that i will be a part of it, naturally to be on the pitch is a dream, but in the stands....that would be something else entirely :)

and so ill close with a qoute i think sums up my feeling right now

"En su vida, un hombre puede cambiar de mujer, sus opiniones politicas o su religion pero no su equipo de futbol."

And so it is

Well i feel that it has been long enough now that i have removed the link to this from my AIM profile and that i have not updated it long enough so that there are no readers any more...which is good, and something i have desired for a while now.

So it has been an intresting last few weeks, and to be honest a starting point is not easily chosen, as one can imagine, everything has changed, and so much for bono's emphatic ' Nothing changes
On New Year's Day.'

So i should do this in relevancy but then that would be showing my hand and i refuse to do so. So it will be arbitrary, in such a way that i randomly pick and reject at my choosing so as that no pattern of thoughts or emotions can be assumed or detected.

The car has finally arrived, it took time, yelling, screaming, and too many wasted cellphone minutes, but it has arrived. It is a beautiful shade of Blue, a light, almost lightish hue. It has without question the sexiest posterior in the neighbourhood. I cannot really describe how happy i am driving it, it is amazing, the smoothness, though this is occasionally disturbed by my overeagerness to release the clutch, which we shall put down to inexperience. But the car is magnificent, and shall be enshrined here with a picture as soon as im done with this hell start to the week, and no the word hell has no bearing on the rest of this post or the events which have happened but rather the two exams (one to go) that i am facing on monday and tuesday.

I have also entered into a new phase of my relationship with Luna, a lovely stage i might add, it consists of largely ignoring her presence in a room, and mostly her comments, though im trying to get better at ignoring those, it is quite irksome to hear her dribble when it relates to me. But i must say ignoring coaches and parents while reffing is quite similar, though i have yet not felt the need to punch a coach or a parent as much as i have to smack her upside the head, i am quite sure that time will cure me of that lack. This originates way back, and i guess you could say is the final culmination in a long long feud that would abate and then be restored, but its roots lie in the planning of the euro trip, and its strongest feelings come from moments in Croatia, and others back home. In no way do i presume my actions are noble or even semi-decent, no they are not, however, proudly i might add, i can at least say that i am not as dispicable as her, i will never get my joy from someone else's misery, it is beyond my comprehension to actually glow in the unhappiness of my enemies(for lack of a better word). Yet this is not the case in vice versa, and that perhaps is why i find her so revolting, though if i am wrong and the following is not true, despite it being in accordance with her actions, then i take it back and de-scale my claim of finding Luna revolting down to mere annoyance at her. She gets her joy, infact it is her biggest source of happiness, when i am upset, when something goes wrong for me, or when it appears to her that i do not know something. She revels in this, she smirks that evil smirk you read in books, and can envision perfectly and yet you could never believe it to be so real, that it actually exsits in someone you know, that power, cause that is what it is, it is a power to be happy when others are unhappy, purely becasue they are unhappy. That is courage, though undaunting, but ultimately useless. Where will this lead to, i cannot say i really know, nor can i see a way out of it, it is a broken sibling bond.

So here is the news that seems to be buzzing, despite no one ever calling or saying anything directly to you, well save for one person, but i have always held them to a higher standard and there are reasons why i would trust them beyond the rest. It is that whisper in the wind, that you cannot grasp and yet it is bellowing beside you. To satisfy's the curiosity, stories will spread, each with its own style. What can you expect though, everyone i know seems to lack the spine to ask directly, everyone is timid.

Though to be honest i am rather cheerful as i write this, i am down one exam, wearing the most beautfiul shirt in the world, that just arrived last night. Procrastinating before i begin the studying for the second one, and generally immune to the world, and the events around me, i filter out the negative's and it is just so easy to focus and to be alert.

"And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time"