"how the west was won"

so it really seems that i only wirte here when im down and out, which has not been often in the last 2 weeks, its been amazing, and i have never though i could feel like this about someone in such a dman short period of time, that i myself do not know what to do or how to move from here.....i mean its really over for me right now.

but then shit hits the fan....and this is what i cant stand about having a girl, shit hitting the fan, and it has hit, and hit big....twice in 3 days....the first time i was persistant and i chased her and i apologized for my actions though i fully be.ive they were accurate, i swalloed my pride and said fuck it, she means more.

tonight i got tired of asking, of convcing, of trying. really i dont try after 2 attempts with girls i like, others ill bug all night, but these ones i could really care less about annoying. so if im expected to chase to bark to sniff around and seem all around pathetic in my attempts to take her, i wont. fuck it. thats not me. im not a dog, i cant stand her not being there, but i have to come to terms with the fact that yeah guess what she wont be around, hell she wont be around in seven months...so what am i worrying about one fucking night, and if this is how i handle getting rejected twice in one night, what happens when i know that this is it. the end. the last night, what will i do then, break down....shit i dont even wanna think about that, but to be honest its all over my mind. fuck you tony for asking me once, and pujttting the damn fact into my head, that as you said "ultimately she is leaving". cause as soon as that sunk in, it ruined me.....

....and to be honest i cannot recover from that. its too much.

so why do i pour my soul out here, i was offered over 5 different outlets to spill my sorrows on, and yet i pick this one, i guess its cause you dont talk back you just lisen. and i think thats the main issue....you lisen and thats that. i wish maybe she paid more attention to my words, i may say alot, but its always clear what means the most, sadly she has yet to figure that one out.

R.E.M is god....

"I didn’t wear glasses cause I thought it might rain.
Now I can’t see anything.
I made a mistake, chalked it up to design.
I cracked through time, space, Godless and dry.
I point my nose to the northern star,
Watch the decline from a hazy distance."